You have ;5

There have been times in my life im sure rings true for everyone, at somepoint in time. In the middle of a task, "commited", and all of the sudden your bowels have hijacked the whole opperation. Praying for a banyoto suddenly appear. For some the "Magic" they poses is strong enough that a banyo actualy makes its self tangeable. Other folks have to resort to Mcgrubering themself's one. Some are able to endure untill something suitable comes along. Some however are beyond the scope of any "Magic" and scoff at Mcgruber.
I recall a great many many many many"Near miss" situations ive had. A couple of fist fulls being at work. One i remember. We were down in American Fork, in the middle of a large scale job. The "urge" hit me so hard i droped all my tools, saddle, hooks, saw, everything. Left my help alone working for fourty five minutes, without saying a word, walked, rather quickly to the truck and hauledass for anywhere. Swaring to my self "Dude, if you shit your pants.... It'll be a super spendy dump because i'm driving fuckn homeand never comming back!!" And I MENT EVERY WORD. Somehow i was able to endure and find a banyo. There have been a few times a banyo was not an option, ending up in bushes, sometimes in the customers yard. On one occation, the bushes directly under a huge window attatched to a 'plantation' in Martins Point, a very exclusive neghborhood. Talk about covert op's. As SEAL's are taught to go to the water. TREE'ls go to the bushes, when "the shit goes to shit." Aword to the wise,if i catch you , your fired. Its sorta falls into the smokin dope catagory. If your dumb enough to get caught, your dumb enough to be fired
It took me a long as hell time to apply the "If you cant laugh at your self. Who can you laugh at ?" tag on this experence. As far as i was concerned the only ones need know about this be Grandpa and me. But it was the begining of a long lasting personal nightmare. At first, I did tell a couple of close climbing brothers and was able to Richad Pryor myself though it. Still i was rocked to the core.
Chance had brought me to a Miky D's whose bathroom i had to use McGruber skills in even though amenaty's were there i used them all up. After i figure a long 45 min and Hanesless, i emerged and like a fart in the breeze i vanished.
My return could be chareterized  as the drive of shame...very slow, tail down between the legs and chain smoking. Confusion ? Self worth just shot. Some may have just said "Dude your being a pussy." Maybe....but my whole world was comming apart and i could'nt really share in any real depht with a single soul. I was still suffering  frorm shock yet somehow grasping a flint and stone and reignighting "The only easy day" mentality, but compartmentalization of all these factors was pushing me twords padded room a nd stratejacket territory.
Getting back< Mike had taken off to dump and Granny and Grampy inside now. Wisely i chaped up. Unwisely i piccked up a a "044!?" i just began "The felling Olympics" sport felling the doomed pines alone. Mike got back and we set up the "yarder"placeing a hobbs block 10 - 15' up a pine accross the driveway at the bottom of the hill. On Ax-Men yarding down hill was deemed a supper dangerous tactic and i concur. Thank god Jason was able to send me 2 more bodys "Riggers" which were assigned to dragg the "carrage line and three chocker cables back up the hill. The carrage/drag line went through the block and was attached to the back of my truck, of which Mike would drive and yard thee trees down the hill. Agian Mike had never done tree work in this manner"Man Chris, this  made things so much quicker." "And yer back dont hurt at the end of the day." I sincerly hope Mike has been able to apply this little bit of rigging he learned to other situations.
Around noon Ol boy was back in action wantting to see the loging operation on his turff. Everyone figureing out the order of operations was the biggest problem to overcome add in the fact everybody was green, it was chalanging. When all figured out there place and pace it was beautiful.
A couple of times it was not beautiful, which required me to get down bottom and up top at different time's. Sliding down the hill over sections of tree scoured taullus on my ass, painfull but a time and energy saver. Of course the hike back up was painful and spent everybit of what i had left. The crew had become sensitive to the flailing around i had reduced myself to and were hustleing to keep me it the dirt. "Is this what i've been reduced to? A fold my arms and watch fucken asshole?" Tears began to stream as all i could really do was sit in the dirt and think seriously about going to my cell and hanging myself tonight.
"I aint gonna have the strenth to do it" i was reasoning with myyself kinda like Shmegal and Galom "Besides, one day only left we have!!" "Shmeeeegaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal! Noone will likes us with shitsis in our pantsis!!" "Go away! and never come back!! Go away!! and never come back!!"  Yes im a mental person who had gone, mental.
When i got back to my "Lamnant for the Weary" the final walk up the stairs ended in a stumble to my shins and palms and a baby crawl for the last few steps. When got to my room I began to round up my shit (phun intended) and had  my bag ready to go. The fact that i had to dig all said shit back out what would be twice. I really did.nt pay any mind to. That final night the sun could;nt show its ass fast enough.
The sun did no such thing before the headlights of J's pick em up truck reflected off my walls. This day would be fairly easy but as always rang true for most all last days. It just would'nt end.
The day consisted of the continuation of my sport felling of the closist trees left for last. Whith Mike swampn and chipin right behind me. We left two trees sytanding next to High voltage trasmision lines, they were climb/mutilate and dont hit any wires. It was a bit sketchy, but i got em done. J came and got me for delivery to some of TSA's finest.
Opening the door to my wifes Odassie, im met with "O MY GOD CHRIS!! Your going to a fucking hospital!!"