I see ;5

The two weeks leeding up to, what i would begin to refur to as my final walk,  "The green mile". "Those statistics are fuckin with me. One in a thousand." Tumbling around and around and around, all the time. I was thinking and talking myself onto the "table" for the "needle" i would casualy phun...gallos humuring my way througfh what i  truely felt in my gutts, "I'll be that 1 in 1000!!..... heh".
I could not bring myself to " just throw it out" The rebif i had left being only two doses short of a box. "There's gotta be away i can get this to someone who could'nt afford the nutty out of pocket $3,500 price tag" "You cant do that" i was told.  I kept it in the fridge anyway in the eevent i came accross someone.
It did'nt take long before my symptoms went from worse to 60 in 2 days. The last job i was to complete for my 9-5 came within days of being unmedicated. Mrs Powell lived off of wasatch blvd on Yorkshire Dr. We were to remove a locust and japanese maple in the backyard and beautify a locust and two bradford pears in the front. As always, we began in the back with bladder issues in tow. Agian with no cover, this time all i could do was hope noone was at there window.
My "nohorn" help must have been wondering "How in the hell is this guy figure he's gonna climb?" I had to sit down to get into my saddle, worming my way into it. It was really difficult putting on my hooks. Sinching down the straps was quite the chor, having to grip, pull and buckle all at once. My fingersjust didnt posses the strenth needed to hold on to the staps when sinching them down. "You need some help?" my helper would ask. "I got it. Cant you see that?" i would grin, i dont think he knew how to take what i said until he saw the grin. Some how i was able to get just enough of of a grip to get my gaffs secured. The walk to the tree must have been someting to see, Walking in hooks alreadt requires one to walk bowleged. Walking on the outsides of your feet to avoid dulling up the four inch spike that is pivotal in climbing removal trees. I was walking so jackt that my spikes were sword fighting causing me to trip up all over the fuckn place.
It took me 3 hours to do  what would have normaly taken 30 minutes.
My left leg would'nt work so my right leg took the brunt of all progresion. Most all balance was focused on the right. To climb i would step with the right, kick in and half step. Thenputting all wight on the right and grabing what ever i could, i would just heave the left as high as it would go and sorrta swing it to the trunk and lowering my left side e at the same time, chancing a home for the gaff. IF i was  able to start a hole,it would take all kinds of weight shiting to get a "decent" seat. Being that i was in some of the hardestd wood in Utah, it took forever
By lunch the back was done and so was i "This is gettin redicules man" kept coming to my mind and work its way past my lips, many times that day. Being the stubbon sob that i am, i just could not bring myself to "tap out".
The aloud me to complete three of the five trees, the two removals and beautifying one pear in the front. The heat of the day killed me, just getting into 619 to leave proved to be a near imposibility. Finly climbing up to the Capn's chair, i lit a Boro. Taking two drags was all that was needed to tell me "Yer killin me dude" causing mywhole body to litteraly "burn" from the inside out. Beginig in my bones, then my muscles and finly my skin. Like i had acitone injected into my body. The vise being more important than the way it made me feel, like the last cillea ona smokers lung "what do i got to loose" and had two more for the ride back to the yard.
In the shower that night my legs and everything down there could no longer feel the beems of water hitting them. My eyes began to see "ultra violet" first big sploches floating around accompaneyed by "firework" type stars that would spin in small circles with tracers and a serious feeling of floating and dizzyness.
Having to allocate two days to a job that really should have takin one. With the help i was givin. Nwe managers, along with the battle i was fighting in my head and many other worrys began to take there toll. Dbout and a feeling of defeet crept into my head. My attitude went from "can do" to "i just dont care anymore." Weeping was a reaction i could not stop or even delay. It was all i could do to find a place to alow the water works to do there thing.
Pulling away from the Powell residence, "My time hear is over"  mentaly waving the white flag of surrender.
Now, for me to say someting like that, i had said it before in the past only to ignight that final reserve of fury to propel me through the dilema. This time, it was different. The fire that stoked that inner magic was now a mere pilot light. Insted, a yeld to dispare was all i could muster.
That friday i knew would also be my last. I dont even think i mutterd one word to anyone as i left the shop that night.
It was days before the green mile. If i had'nt drove my wife and kids insane with my antics i was sure to now. Already couching it, flooring it and sleepwalking from sun down to sun up. The feeling of having to pee every ten totwenty minutes kept me going from the front room to the banyo, add in that every second or third trip included a crash to the foor and along with the breaking someting, made for many slepless nights. In attempts to eliminate noise for my wife and baby, i would deem it a good idea togo downstairs, ending up along with a humpty dumpty tumble, at the bottom on my crown. Real quiet like! Back and forth, back and forth, banyo to coutch, coutch to banyo.
At times it would feel so hot, hot enough to strip down to my stones, pull off all the blankets and let the "sweat" evaporate only to have it turn to ice upon interacting withe air.
Other times there was a whole colony of ants tunneling around to different parts of my body. They nver seemed hungy, just intent on seperating every square inch of skin from my musculskeletal frame.
One of the final evenings befor my trip i got my booger hooks on a bottle of Beam. Doin what i would normaly do, drink, strait from the bottle. Knowing fullwell it was The single WORST thing i could do. I was so sick of having toworry about...everything! Everywhere i looked for info, or all the different folks i asked, or wouldld offer advise to me was making my head spin. Everything i did was causing my MS to be more sever. Food was huge. No Salt,sugar, glutin or any of the shit put in most food. If it had fuckin ingredence i did'nt dare eat it for fear that it might make me piss my pants or shit my pants or suffer vision issues or lose more feeling in my legs or hands or dick. I was so tierd and so frusterated and so angry. And like myself, went to the whiskie mart. By the time i got home i had already made my ritual chug a third smoke a few drive, thus, "waaas feeelin fuuuckn resennntful as fuck man." My bro Duane showed up around half way into the bottle. Thats about the time the rest of my family came home. The wife, not wanting to deal with it, demanded we leave. In my efforts to oblige i first went to take a leak.
Getting infront of the toilet i whiped ot the pice and began to pee. Then, my right leg gave out, then the left and fell into the shower curtan proceeding to tear the whole thing down. It all ended with me in the tub wraped in plastic pissing all over myself and soaking it all up at the same time. My whole lower body was out of order. Somehow, i made it out of the banyo without any serious trama...this time
Striping off the piss soaked clothes was another nightmare, hitting walls and carpet was puttin me in the red. After actualy getting my pants on i made my way to the front porch for a Boro. Sitting down in the chair, whiskie in hand. my blood pressure began to elevate right along side my temper. Thats when Duane came "You ready to roll man?" "Lets get the fuck outa here!" Getting to my feet and back on my ass agian, over and over and over. I began cursing at God, getting loud and yelling, on like attempt number twenty the waterwrks began agian and in defience i flung myself out of the chair. "Whoa Reid!! what the fuck you doing man!?" Catching me before i hit the ground. Sobing i broke down once agian "I dont want this anymore!! I just want it all to end." "Reid dont, dont do this man!" setting me back in the chair "Im not bad enough for this shit man!" Embracing me further "Reid, your one of the badest motherfuckers i know!...." "I just want it to be over!!" "Dont do this man, you can hang, comon man lets get outa here. "Your gonna have to grab my shoes for me." He had to tie them too