Late spring 2004 Kill Devil Hills
With certanty i knew i did'nt want to work for anyone with the name "Outlaw"unless its me ofcourse. Thats what the secratery or whoever answerd the phone for the full page full color add that had advertised "Dominating the OuterBanx" refered to the owner as. Giving me another number for his cell phone. Dialing this numeber, i was convincing myself i had'nt herd "Outlaw" "Musta been hearing shit. "Hello" in that colonial southern voice. Sounded like a kid. Being careful not to say the name "Yes sir, my name isChris Reid, i just relocated here from Salt Lake City. I am a climber and was told your the person to talk to about tree work." So stoked is how i felt when he told me to "Come on out. You know where Wan-cheese is?" Thats when i just knew "This shits no good man...." This is one thing Levi warned me about "Dont go to Wan cheese unless you felt like geting in trouble and under no cicumstances "Chris, never call someone from wan cheese a Wan Cheeser unless you feel like gettin fucked up." But it was a possible job which i reasoned was "Money" As all i had left after my first night out was 250.00 bucks to my name, no job, the nearest family i had was in Georga. The lawn care compaaany i had spoken to in the 17th street parking lot gave me the number to "Family tree" but they were not hireing. They,in turn gave me another name and number "Atlantic Tree, i think he hurt his back from what i understand, i think he's looking for some help." She gave me the number, i thanked her as we hung up. I called the number i was givin only to get an answering machine. "Shit dude you dont beleve in workin in the cool temps of the mornin?", after that is when i began my search through the phone book, and thats when i saw the full page add that had bad "juju" in just fliping to the add. Got dressed grabd a copy of my resume and began to walk out the door when the phone rang "Please be Atlantic Tree. Hello..." It was a womans voice...i thought so anyway...." Yeah Reid!!?" "This is" super loud interuption "Hold on!! Morgaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!" Had to pull my ear away from the phone. "Yeah Reid!? Yes this is Chris" "Yeah you start tomarrow, bring your Saddle and be here at eight." "Um, i was kinda wonering about this other company?...."They may have that boom truck an a bunch a fancy paint but thats awll they got!! What, ya talk to Outlaw already!?" " Yeah, and they want me to meet them in Wan-Cheese." " Well Mr if you value yer life whatsoever, youell stay the hell away from them!!" "Yeah somthing about a dude named Outlaw being a boss of mine just bwasnt sittin well." Then agian something about a crazy woman screaming in the phone i got a job was kinda strange too. But the screamer did say "start tomarrow" And it sure as hell was'nt Wan-Cheese. The beach was litterly 30 seconds from my front door, i had money."Eight o'clock ya say?" " You know where Kittyhawk road is? You get out on the by-pass road, go north. There el be a 7-11 on the leftand the Post Office on the right. Thats Kittyhawk road, turn left." I got waisted the rest of that day.
As if the signs wernt screamen at me the day before, i was being bitch slaped with them the next day. I dont know if it was the stars and bars flyn on the property next door. The Rot-y-ler "Morgan" with the hippo teeth that tryed to eat me. The three groundmen already at the yard when i arived, two of them with a kick ass dental plan and the one sportn the stars and bars in ink on his forarm and bandanna. Perhaps the Giant fucken Lehprican with all the skulls inked on his right sleeve that walked out the house 10 minutes after my pilgamidge. I would recon it was good i wore my shades 24 hours a day, for my eye's would have easly told anyone who could read, would've known i was shiting my pants. Oh dear god, here we go! "Hi im Chris i spoke with your wife yesteerday" Extending my hand, prepairing for a crunch. "Im Mark Fletcher. Im the owner operator of Atlantic Tree." Having mercey on my hand, i thought was a good sign. For a resume, i was just using copys of my Smokejumper resume, after buildinng one of those id be damned if i ever filled out another application agian. He gave it a quick glance fliped the pages.threw it in the house. "Yeah, we'll see where yer at.. lets take a walk down here." As we were pulling down the driveway in the f-700 beast, i just kinda gave him a quickover of my totaly rad tree dude carrier, i was really currious about where the job we were headed to was. When Mr Fletcher pulled out onto Kittyhawk road he went strait accrost onto Woods Rd and went past a sign that read Kittyhawk woods. "Wow" i thought, noticing the trees began to increse in size, the "woods" were just that, super dense and jungle like. I was liken this. We had probibly gone a half mile then we began to slow and took a right.The jungel (woods) just seemed to swallow the truck. A quick veer to right and then to the left. The freshly laid balacktop wwwas to the woods as Moses was to the dead sea. But the blacktop revealed a Better Homes and Gardens wet dream. A Barbee house frm hell.
As we pulled to the back of the huge lot a green pick up in the driveway in gold lettering read John Croner Roofing. "Tree causing roof damage?" I asked investigattingly. The steroid fortifyed"Lucky" jut shook his head and quitely spoke "This is "Elton" John Cronners House." "You mean the guy who owns that truck, owns this?" All bright eyed. I was met with a casual nod and spit into his chaw cup. He parked us at the rear of the property near a line of large Tough sheds. Showing him my Buckingham glide did'nt get the reaction i had thought i would get. Handing the saddel over to him, he held my 280 dollars of totally awsomeness up like it was bought at a lingere store. Talk about shoot'n a climbers "horse" He was also admireing the way i was using a knot in my flip line to lock off with versus the trditional Gibbs that everyother climber with an ounce of sence used. "Uh, Chris, i have, uh, never seen this used like, uh, this." Inquireing about the "unique" configureation and manner in which i was "customized" to Death...literaly. I assured him "This is how i was taught by my last boss." Mark was whearing shades and im possitive i would have seen the "Are you smokin boulders!!!" eyes screamin at me. "I,ll show ya." Thinking i had assured him. He loand me his set of hooks to climb with. While i was gettin my things together so was mark. He had switched out of the tan Wolverine s into a pair of Water Mocasens, a type of anti-snakebite boot laced to just below the knee a Bright orange almost brand new Pacificco kevlar hardhat, he had left the chinstrap hanging. Were it not for his beefcakeness i know i would have laughed my ass off. He looked like an Ostrich Jockey hunting for monkey. The little chubby Jonny Rebeled out Papa Smurff named Jerry pulled up on a fourwheeler "Ye caaan put chaw geeeare own heeere." " "Thanksman." "Owwha." "Jerry, uh, grab a couple of ropes, that shoulddo it. He loaded the racks with gear hoped on and putted away. Mr Fletcher and i began to walk along the rear fence of the backyard to the north east corner of the turff. Mark walked to the base of two southern yellow pines, turned faceing me "Alright,uh, Chris, i want you to bring these two to the earth. Extending his arm with finger up sstrate into the air. My eyes following the general direction, up. OOOOOh mmyyyyyy gooooooddd! thats gotta be at least ahundred feet! Mark continued on "I want everything roped out. "Ok" whatever in the hell that means.h and uh, this houe is bout 4 million dollars jJim, dont hit it. It was 9 am. Who the hells Jim?
By the time i had made it to the top of "tower 1" i did'nt thinki had anything left it was a real good thing he rechanted and let me freefall everything. Not that that saved anytime. Before i begaqn i had shown Mark a new kevlar filled shirt i had ordered from Stihl, it acted as saw chaps for the arm and sholders. "Im gonna need one of these" i said tomyself being Mr safety and all. Mark had checked it out with some intrest. "Cool" i was feeling a little confidence building with his curiosity "You gonna whear that?" "Yeah" "Hmmm" Now i understood what fuckn "Hmmm" ment. Heat was my element "I was born of fire and ice!!" All cocky as hell. But when i had cut off the HUGE 3 foot top i could no longer hold my chainsaw up. Glancing over at "Tower #2" and then down the "Hundred foot" trunk seeing "Baboon tamer" and now a fullbrimed hard hatted "Jonny rebel Papa smurf known as Jerry, both with there arms foldedas if i was the days entertainment. "Theres no way in hell im climbing up there too. Im setting my blue over there and swinging over there"( Such a smart guy i was.) "I need a polesaw with two sticks!!!" "Hey, uh Chris!! Igave em my attention "I need you to take ,uh,fifteen foot of that pole!!" Giveing a nod of the order,an awwfuuuck moan came upon me. I still set my line tied my "Blake's" sent down my polesaw and began my decent through all the staabs i had left behind "What a pain in the ass" The lessons to be learned from my first time in the "big Wood" were innumerable looking back, that if someone would have pointed out all the stupid shit i was doing i probibly would have found a new profestion. I took off all the staabs and the 15' Baboon tamer required, in one foot rounds. Everytime i threw down a round, the Tamer would yell up "Bigger!!" I would look down and see him say "Something??-cut!!" Not having the slightest clue what he was saying i would just continue on.till he got his 15' and then swung over to tower #2. Much quicker going than tower #1, still i left a trail of staabs unable to understand the error of my ways. I got to the top hacked off the trophy, took a breather(smoke), looked down and saw a third face who was also experenceing the show."Must be John Cronner, i must addmit he does look alot like Elton. You fuckers enjoyn yourselfs? So now i untie to work my way back through yet another gauntlet of staabs for the second time unprotechted, this time inexcusably so. I get down to the same higth as tower #1. Just as i had killed the 200T and felt a tug on my hip, looked down to see the grey fullbrim and smurff bootie's scampering away. I drew my blue up untill the splice with the white line in it made it to me. Papa smurffs down there yelling and giving me some signs. I could'nt help but start grin and kakel. Right about then Mark yells out "Jerry!!! what in the hell are you doin!?" You could see Mark had put em in check buy the way Jerrys head started bobin and a scowell back at Mark. I reached for my figure8 the white line was secured to the trunk. "What the fuck!?"there was no figure8 anywhere on my saddel. I thought i was gonna be macgyver and use the tail of my blue with a blakes hitch. This was a very rude and embarassing way to find out i was using a double rope technique on a single rope. So i gaff out and slid around 25 feet before i let go of the hitch. the knot scinched down so hard i swore the almighty himself was'nt gonna crack the knot. 20 more minutes i had to dangel there trying to aleveate weight to losten the bind the hitch had on the rope. Finely, i took another 25 foot plunge and the same thing happend. This time 5 feet off the hard deck. Lucky for me Mark and Jerry were prepaired to handel getting me off line from that point cause there was no life left in me. All at once i threw up and bout blacked out from the heat. "Welcome to the south Jim! My watch read 1 pm
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