I've #3

Really, as of two or three weeks ago, alarms and buzzers were just not needed. Wake up calls were no different. At this point it would take obseen amounts of booze and now I had began to prescribe pain killers to my self in my own "Dr House" fashon. But I just did'nt drink near enough, nor did I have any pills. So on and off, on and off the tv went,  I floped around like a fish out a water all night long. So when i got my wake upcall, it's effect did nothing but elevate my blood pressure even more than it's current state. Getting ready for the day was begining to take longer. Getting dressed took a little more time, particularly getting my pants on. "Times like theseeeeeeeeeeeee, i wish i were the tin man!"  My knees felt as though they were slowly ceasing up due to ...rust? "Wish i had one of those nifty little oil cans like Dorthy used in the Wizarard of oz. "God , i wish it was that simple". I fought my pants on and put on some coffee. While that was running i watched a little news and put on my LaSpoteva's and socks. Getting the socks on was kinda strange but it was the tieing up my boots that was a little more difficult. My fingers were starting to feel as my feet did when all this shit began to violate me. This was to be forgoten as i finished up my last boot and poured myself some of that floor dust called coffee..I've had worse. I draw the line at sanka, i cant beleve people keep that company in business. Drinking the night before all but insured my demise for the day. I made my way to the lobby and was about to walk out the door. When suddenly the "urge" along with a new strange yet familar little burning pain  came upon me. So back up to my room it was. I got to the banyo, droped trou and on the thown I sat. For awhile, no results, o but then i began to pee. The urge just disapered, waited a bit longer, did the usual clen up and check. The business end of me was ready to depart the throne. Stood up went for my drawers and thats when it began. Fecal matter just began to fall out of me. Total shock and disbeleaf over took me all at once. My instinct's told my body to "Sit the fuck down!!!" and my body was atempting to comply. My eyes on the other hand were sending a whole differnt message. The visual my eyes had was fecal matter on the toilet seat and floor. To late! We were commited to the sit comand, there was a slight change in trajectory. But im not sure it was for any "gain" as the net result was me sitting and feet deep in shit. "What the fuck!!" as if to let the whole world know that i had just sat in shit. So i sat there, trying to pice together How in the word had that just happend, and waiting for another eruption to NO avail. So i gave the proverbeal push. Nothing, so i pushed like Elvis. Nothing. It was time to do the clen up. So i went for some paper and as soon as i began clen up on my underside, the eruption began agian. Nastyness was on my fingers now! A new wave of shock and fear exploded inside of me. My eyes began to well up. There i sat on the throne, feet,ass, fingers covered in and sitting in shit! I began to just cry. After a couple of minutes of pitty time i striped down and jumped in the shower. "What a fucking mess!" amongst all kinds of other colorfull things. After the shower and some new cloths 2 or 3 towels and all the toilet paper the bathroom had, things were cleaned up enough for me to go. I was 45 min late. Like my bro Levi said "Chris, you anit late till ya get there. Now smoke this!"

And i did, like a chiped Cummins, with no reguard for the environment. Somehow i managed to light up a second before i pulled into the yard. I kept stairing at the fingers that no0t less than 10 minutes ago were caked in feces!, and were now holding the Marlboro that was being put into my mouth. "Well.....i hope i got the shit out from underneth my fingernails!" Speeking  aloud. A thought that would remain with me the rest of the day in everything i did and everything i touched touched anything. I would just chuckel to myself (I sure as hell could'nt cry) Just to repaet myself, the smoke was taking life from me with every puff. I could feel it> Especialy in (wanna guess) feet and legs. It was how i coped with stress, driving, waiting, chilling, partying basicly living. But the stress, the stress and booze were the champs at enabling the Marlboro spirits to work there "medicine." Tom the Branch manager was just getting to the yard when i did."I'm running behind this morning too." Oh!, did you shit all over your bathroom too Tom?!!! I was so tempted to blurt it out, due to the strait jacket frame of mind i was in "Hey Tom. I forgot to have my room rung this morning! sorry bout that." The lie. "Hey......it happens. The main thing is, were here. Right?" Dude, you did,nt get pooh on your fingers! He had that forgiving grin. Awsome, i was being seen coming into work late and laughing it up with the branch manager. All i was really concerned with now, was having shit, just fall outa me.

 The job we were to do today was another suburb job. The really neat thing about Boise is, the early settlers realy put some thought into the hard woods they planted. There are just some awsome and well maintained White and Red `Oaks And Amerecan Elm trees (name a very few) The work was much more substantial. Damn Siberein Elm tree had been alowed to grow! as usual, huge in a small backyard, and all ape shit over three different homes. If people would just understand, that these trees are not native and that they are a true NIGHTMARE to a home owner. Kinda like morning glory, the roots gnarly structure is a mirror of the top side, only three times as big that have a tenancy to, throw suckers or starter shoots up anywhere and everywhere. Bust up your fences, sidewalks your homes foundation. Jack up your water, sewer and gas lines. Above the surface, they grow fast and get big. Then after they have been alowed to grow bigger than Jesus,  they begin to "shed" large amounts of weight byway of  simple failer and bust. Sometimes these broken limbs dont fall right away and get hung up. When this happens we call this a "widow maker" and one tree can have many of them in em. Alot of the time the widow maker cant be seen until the tree has lost its leafs. Then there is the reproductive side. These trees spread so much seed! It's sick! Any way, people could save some serious coin if they would just do some mitigation in the early stages i.e... pull your friggin weeds!!! But imf just sayin. These trees make me and others just like me butt loads of cash. So yeah this was a project tree. I really enjoy the heavy rigging and forthought that comes along with these type's of large scale puzzel trees. This tree took all day. It wasnt all unusualy tough but it wasnt really the heavy rigging of giant "leeds" over the structures that hurt all that much. It was chasein down the 6 or 7 widow makers that were up there. We were solucky Toby was able to help out for awhile. He also hooked us up with some lunch. He had to split but not to worry, Tom, was en route. When he arrived apparantly i needed his advice...which made absolutely no sence. "Ya Tom i thought about that. It just wont work. But this will, wanna move?" "Ya but.." Too late i cut it, he had to move now. After that he left me alone. Did very little to help and just did that important guy fold my arms and watch. I really havea distaste for these kinds of.....people. Should just stay in the office. Dont come this way Tom, doo-doo might just fall on you. After about an hour Tom jut split. Polo shirt, dockers and all. It was when we were doing clean up that i found out that we charged those people 4 grand for the work we did."Your not serious!?" I could not beleve shit did'nt fall out of me The day winding down included a ride to the Boise Airport. Once agian those TSA guys, after that I could be found at (where else) the bar! Where a stella costs 9 bucks and a shoot will only cost 4 bucks if ordered with a beer. There is just no way for me to unwind!