Another round of stairing at the swirls in the ceiling intwined along with...cureosity? Upon if tomarrow was my Day. How it was gonna go down. Crushed? Impaled? Ripped in two? Hang myself? Decapitate myself. And as always The voice of the real underdog me "Bring it on fuckers!!" It'sno wonder im always into trouble.
That being said. Jason and i got into the "Hanger" early to get the "yaarder set up" from Scott. So first breakfast was quick. Second breakfast, the sun was barely rising and my eyes were doing what i began to refer to as "Rein of Fire" when we were pulling up our customers driveway. He, standing infront of of his garage first breakfast inhand.
"We got this!" over and over quietly putting myself in a "zone" for a tree "I could do with myeyes wide shut." Yet another claim that would be put tothe test, so ta speek. Hauling up gear to the base of the removal Whatever his name was (home owner) and his wife decided to add for another 500 green backs. It stood atop another small incline adjacent to a vinal fence and the garage.
The coffee, Rockstar combo had run it,s course, upon arival i was peeing like a Madd pisser. The last few "leeks" yeilding little to just a few drops but still i fetl as though i had to piss fire. When i got my Dr's bag and all my tools upto the removal i ran(shuffeled) off to release the flames my unit told my brain it had to breeth. One thing thats neerly impossible, climbing with unit distress. Try and try, finaly, a dribble. That was enough for my eye.s to override the unit. Scrambling back, wiggeling into my gear, setting up the wrap and block, explain the need and function and what to do in they'r application. Mike told me hehad never done any blocking with big wood. Seemed like EVERY FUCK-N-TIME!! there was big wood to be rigged, my help was always a Greenhorn to its precision. After the first blockout if you dont have your helps undevided attention. Something's been distroyed and/or someones eather seriously hurt or dead.
There are so many OCD component's to all climbers style. One of many many many i have is the points on my hooks. After doing my whole routeen basacwards they were as sharp as rubber weenee.
Halfway into my acent, in the middle of a pretty good pace, that feeling of spent uranium coolant returned. "Fuck it" its all in yer head man" almost into the top "Fuck dude your gonna piss your drawers!" old man and his wife now on the patio, eyes glued. "Ya mess yer trousers they say! Gal's watch'n and all!" "Fuck it!!! we're committed!!!" Then...i really thought about it. It took all of about a 10th of a second. "You really want ta smell like piss all day!? All sticky and shit!!!?" I could no longer take it. As i swore to myself i was already downloading pee, i threw a runnin bowline around the trunk with Ivy, looped an 8 inline, clicked out my flip line and hit the earth in a single bound. With the quickness of a sloth i was at my chosen trunk, saddle falling around my ankles. Whiped out my unit that was!!.......as dry as could be? Checked my drawers "Dry!?..... O'God, O'God, O'God, Come'On!" Never had i felt like this before. I had herd of storys about warts and differet type of VD. It crossed mymind breiffly before my "pee or flight" took over and i desperately began to"Digg" with my abbs for pee!!?,..CSF!!?...the mucus of my eyes!!?...snott!??..."Fuckn anything!, please..." My voice coming from the bilge of my lungs. Then a squirt. "O'God yes!" Then a weak as hell stream "O'God yes!' And then it stoped. Did'nt matter the visual alone brought on a sense of extacy. This time i was able to get back up the pine with the pee feeling at a minamum. Got the top roped out, and for first time blocking,Mike operated the rigging line like a pro. Following every step explained to the T. I wwas comfortable giveing him bigger and bigger blocks, which got me back to the earth that much quicker.
When i finaly had dirt under the neath of my boots and unlatched my flip line, i did'nt colaps, but began stumbling, to my ass, but used my cooth acting skills to make it appeer done on purpose. Coping a seat in the middle of a bunch of dog shit. Realizing this i still focused on removeing my hooks. Freeing up my feet i sortn of did a bit of break danceing to get to my feet. Standing up the sweet aroma of dog shit shadowing me. "Maaaaan my saddel better not have fuckn dog shit on it!" Striping off my Tree Motion as quickly as possible. Eyeballing the saddle as i pulled my last leg out. "O thank God! i brought it up in front of me for furter inspection "Clean! we can deal with it on our pants, just throw em away at the end of the day." Putting my glove back on to wipe off what i could "Would'nt cha know it" it began to rain like hell. "Come'on Chris!" Mike and the old man were calling out from inside the garage. Went for my Motion and Rainmaned my way to the shelter.
They had a lawnchair opened and set up i did'nt listen for the invetation for. Casualy checkn out the bottoms of my Spotivas for shit. Not wanting to drag dogshit into the spotless garage. "Musta lucked out." and knocked off a semisolid pile. Taking a breath and relaxing, the old man doing the samething in the chair next to mine, gazeing the rain.
It was a very very short gaze. Broken by the "Dog" shit vapors that had now invaded Grandpa's personal space. Clearly, violated. There was no hesitation in the old boy's displeasure as he looked right at me drew in a huge whiff and blew it back out with the force of a farmers snott blow. To which i immeditely reackted with a search for "bin laddin" to no avial. Instantly realizing "O'God no!" my search, as i got up,"No way!!" did'nt include, Rainmaning my way through the "My Fuckn pants!?" Making my way around to the blindside of any truck that could afford me some cover
At first i was just drop trou and let whatever fall asit may. Then was just gonna shove a bare hand down there. Then, my "Navy SEAL, McGruber, Ninja training" smacked the shock right ouda me just in time. Carefully i inscerted my hand down my drawers but not my underdrawers. Contouring the small of my back on to the Hanes down to the orphas area.
A new wave of shock. How do i clean up the small clay like cluster i identifyed upon palpation. Whats more is there more?
Wasnt waitn around to talk to the fuckn media about it eather. In that cab and down the road trying so hard not to sit flaaat,hauln ass, countn turns and keeping vigulent for any stop signs, all the while not feeling from the waist down. Well thats just one hell of a fucking trick.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
You have ;3
The fact that i was getting work done had alot too with the excelent work ethic of the folks i was paired up with. All i had to do was climb, rigg and cut. I would begin to drag a limb and Scott would just "What? Gimme that Chris." and just take it from me. I just gave up on draging anything.
When it came to climbing. I think i climed mabe four trees and the concern for falling was after Big Whisky, non existant. The climbing i did on laddders on the other hand, scared the shit out of me. Tri-pod orchard ladders is what most companys use. They have a multitude of uses. One of wich is falling over should u become offbalance or top heavy due to swinging around a chain saw or getting over zelous with an over extended pole saw. Maybe someone like me just unexpectedly just falls...maybe just jump..
Insomniea was someting i was vagely familier with. Not now. I would just lay in bed and listen to the TV and stair at the ceiling, turn and look at the clock seemed like every twenty minutes. One night i though a nice hot shower would do the trick. Trick being they key word here. This caused my vision to go all to shit. Weakness was instant, i could barely turn off the water. It took about 15 minutes of just laying on the bottom of the tub before i could get to my feet and zombie my way back to bed and wait for my alarm too go off.
The las three days i've began to refur to as the "True grit days" yeah i ripped it off . Thats not to leed anyone to belive I was anything like "Rooster" No, more like the dude Rooster and the girl stumble accross that had been strung way up in the tree. "Perhaps in hopes that it would make him more dead."
Mike and i were paired up for a "Fuels reduction" job. Beyond what the locals refer to as the south hill. A retired gentalman from California transplanted himself to a very nice chunk of realestate there. The property was full of pine trees in areas that were concerning him. He was useing language and jargen that only a Firefighter or someone who has been involved in fire would use or understand. Thats when i also found out Mike is a Fire brother from the old school. Come to find out he fought in the Yellowstone Fires of the late 80's. It totaly explained his work ethic. We were able to complete the clear cut along the sides of the road into the home and begin some of the thining on the southeast slope the first day.
The clearcut part of the job was mostly stands of regen and smaller stuff on a very gradual slope so i was able to drag the 200t aroud with me. I do mean drag, my legs were not cooperating that morning. My left leg moreso than the right one. With alot of the smaller trees so close together i was able to stay down on my left knee and sort of "kick stand" my way around on ahe slope, but when i would go to stand, it would be all whabely sometime i would just colapse. There were acouple of times i had to throw my 200 to avoid being dismembered by my own saw. It was noticeable as hell, the homeowner began asking "Are you alright?" I explained a little of what was up with me. If it would have been my turf, i think i would have called my insurance agent perhaps chase some dumbass tree people off my yardage with a 12 gauge.. But the old man just looked at me and said "You need to see a Neuroligist son." He had to have been thinking "This company flew this guy all the way from Salt lake and put him on my turff!! This guy's a fucking specialist!!?"
After lunch my legs were way more cooperative I was able to walk the patch to be thined a little more throughaly. Mike and i began making a few cuts and droping a few trees. Afeter a few were on the ground Mike took off and came back 10 minuites later with another saw and began to half the first grounded tree, put down his saw and began what would have been an insane drag! I began looking at all the flaged trees, looked back at Mike and the trail of my fuckn tears. Once agian "Fuck that shit!"e were at the top of a steep hill that lead strate down to a section of the driveway that ran accross the bottom. Looked accross the drive for a stout tree of which there were many. "Mike stop!!" kept looking "Leave that shit right there and dont cut anything except the stumps i leave," "Well..... how are we getting this stuff outta here." "We,re gonna Ax-men this fuckin shit. We aint dragn shit." "If you say so." With a big old grin.
Back at Jabba's Palace that eve: It was everything a wounded Bounty Hunter could expect, Misery.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
You have ;2
Once agian the sandpaper sheets were forceing the sleep fully clothed issue, but even that had become not enough. The "sand" had infultrated every kind of fabric i used to combat the abrasive texture. Not only that, it had increased it's relestate to include virtualy my whole body. Cope was...Words cant describe the new degree of anguish my mind was having to chew on or the amount of hate i had for cope itself. Somehow that first night i snuck in maybe a couple hours?
My Endurance levels, i dont belive had ever been pushed as they had been. Like off a fucking cliff. Recovery was so little to nonexistant. Even with my new non alcohol diet. The Marlboros were a killer. When i took a drag it was as if the smoke bypassed my lungs entirely and went strate to my muscles particularly my legs. It would feel like some sort hardner was being pumped into my muscles. Being up in Spokane alone dealing with what seemed to be..My existance being erased? Quiting smoking had crossed my mind and mind was like "Hell no!!" no booze, no drugs besides the ibuprofin. No other way to deal with the anxity? No we were gonna be stupid and smoke.
Going down the stairs the next morning was the best i would do the whole time there. On the drive in, agian the visuals were spookey, just had to sit there and "trip" alone. Ibuprofin 800 and the Sysco blend coffee was breakfast. Rockstar and an apple for second breakfast, anything that could instill anykind of refined, focused energy. Legal, illegal i really could not have cared. Although i stumbled upon at lunch one day, Subway gave me a boost. It was so noticable that i insisted Subway at lunch everyday.
Funny enough there was'nt much climbing to be done. On those days i was sent with one hell of a groundman. Mike. On days i did'nt climb i was put on the boom truck with another great individual. Scott Topp. It was Scott that one day while doing a pruning job asked "Hey Chris, whats going on with that club foot you got going there?" "Scott it's like this." Confiding only some, of what was happening to me. "I dont know what the fuck i got! Hey man, what the fuck are richets?" He began laughing his ass off. "Chris i dont think you have to worry about fuckn Richets buddy." "Thank god! that weight's off my shoulders!" laughing along with him. Somehow still a sence of humor. I was gonna need it for the 10,000 dys that lye ahead.
There was one day i climed with Scott as my "RIO" . I mention this only because this was the first/only/last time scott whitnessed my climbing. If Scott had any dbouts he sure did a good job of holding his tounge. We were in a white ash tree that needed to be cut away from the fourth floor back to its collar. The cuts needed to be rigged so as to break nothing. Lucly i hit a decent rigg point for myself and it was a very good thing. Getting my spikes to puch into the hardwood, was "like fuckin Bambi on the ice" i muttered to myself catpawing my way up the latteral. We still got the work completed relitively quiickly, with absolutely nothing left. Well, i was able to lean on my tool (rake).
As the days wound up, so to did the skys. Nodding off for the ride to my dwelling was nothing butt serious dreaming watching the lights begin there show as blue got darker and darker.
My second night was the only night i went moonlighting alone to the bowling ally/casino/ nasty skeeeeeeezzzah depot across a 4 lane auto-ban that had stop lights about 1/2 mile in eather direction. "Fuck that shit!" i kinda made the decision before i even looked. When i did look, the coast was clear. With a brisk shuffel i started off. About 3/4s the way through my first set of lanes lights began moving and the end of the next set. "Oooooh shit..." In my mind "we're committed jim." About 1/2 way throughthe first lane "Hope er ready ta see Montana tonight! DeeBee Cooper style!!" and began waving my arms "Hope they see the dumbass inthe road." As i finished the sententence the car in the final lane spoted me "Your damn lucky jim" and was allowed across. The food was fit for a bbilly goat "When in Rome" The waitresses were as hot as fresh buffalo chips. Getting back to my nest, i swore i was going to the cross walk at the light. About twenty feet into that journey "All hope is lost!" That walk probibly would have taken me in my conditiontill 2 or 3 in the morning. Once agian "Fuck the dumb shit!!" This time i made it across with the stealth of a crack head and was alowed safe passage.
]
My Endurance levels, i dont belive had ever been pushed as they had been. Like off a fucking cliff. Recovery was so little to nonexistant. Even with my new non alcohol diet. The Marlboros were a killer. When i took a drag it was as if the smoke bypassed my lungs entirely and went strate to my muscles particularly my legs. It would feel like some sort hardner was being pumped into my muscles. Being up in Spokane alone dealing with what seemed to be..My existance being erased? Quiting smoking had crossed my mind and mind was like "Hell no!!" no booze, no drugs besides the ibuprofin. No other way to deal with the anxity? No we were gonna be stupid and smoke.
Going down the stairs the next morning was the best i would do the whole time there. On the drive in, agian the visuals were spookey, just had to sit there and "trip" alone. Ibuprofin 800 and the Sysco blend coffee was breakfast. Rockstar and an apple for second breakfast, anything that could instill anykind of refined, focused energy. Legal, illegal i really could not have cared. Although i stumbled upon at lunch one day, Subway gave me a boost. It was so noticable that i insisted Subway at lunch everyday.
Funny enough there was'nt much climbing to be done. On those days i was sent with one hell of a groundman. Mike. On days i did'nt climb i was put on the boom truck with another great individual. Scott Topp. It was Scott that one day while doing a pruning job asked "Hey Chris, whats going on with that club foot you got going there?" "Scott it's like this." Confiding only some, of what was happening to me. "I dont know what the fuck i got! Hey man, what the fuck are richets?" He began laughing his ass off. "Chris i dont think you have to worry about fuckn Richets buddy." "Thank god! that weight's off my shoulders!" laughing along with him. Somehow still a sence of humor. I was gonna need it for the 10,000 dys that lye ahead.
There was one day i climed with Scott as my "RIO" . I mention this only because this was the first/only/last time scott whitnessed my climbing. If Scott had any dbouts he sure did a good job of holding his tounge. We were in a white ash tree that needed to be cut away from the fourth floor back to its collar. The cuts needed to be rigged so as to break nothing. Lucly i hit a decent rigg point for myself and it was a very good thing. Getting my spikes to puch into the hardwood, was "like fuckin Bambi on the ice" i muttered to myself catpawing my way up the latteral. We still got the work completed relitively quiickly, with absolutely nothing left. Well, i was able to lean on my tool (rake).
As the days wound up, so to did the skys. Nodding off for the ride to my dwelling was nothing butt serious dreaming watching the lights begin there show as blue got darker and darker.
My second night was the only night i went moonlighting alone to the bowling ally/casino/ nasty skeeeeeeezzzah depot across a 4 lane auto-ban that had stop lights about 1/2 mile in eather direction. "Fuck that shit!" i kinda made the decision before i even looked. When i did look, the coast was clear. With a brisk shuffel i started off. About 3/4s the way through my first set of lanes lights began moving and the end of the next set. "Oooooh shit..." In my mind "we're committed jim." About 1/2 way throughthe first lane "Hope er ready ta see Montana tonight! DeeBee Cooper style!!" and began waving my arms "Hope they see the dumbass inthe road." As i finished the sententence the car in the final lane spoted me "Your damn lucky jim" and was allowed across. The food was fit for a bbilly goat "When in Rome" The waitresses were as hot as fresh buffalo chips. Getting back to my nest, i swore i was going to the cross walk at the light. About twenty feet into that journey "All hope is lost!" That walk probibly would have taken me in my conditiontill 2 or 3 in the morning. Once agian "Fuck the dumb shit!!" This time i made it across with the stealth of a crack head and was alowed safe passage.
]
Friday, May 11, 2012
You have made your world mine.....
Once agian i managed to get myself on a plane. This time for Sokane, Washington. 'Your going to Sokane to die Chris!" One of the many things my Wife pleaded/begged/got loud about...almost threatend, bouncing around in my head all flight. OBVIOUSLY, none the less"The only easy day was yesterday" Dumb ass.
My work was slowly beginig to key in on what was up with me. Jason peirce met me at the pick up, jumped out of the truck ran in the airport, grabed my bags for me and loaded them himself. So there was communication between branches about my "Status" yet still chose to let me roll the dice. "They're giving me all the rope i cared to take. Seemed another one of my own princeples was putting me to its test. Recognizing this "I shall finish the game." Time as always, holds the noose,trap door and lever, ooooooooooooor the ability to William Tell yourself trough it all.
It was when we left the airport that a new issue made its first appearence. As we pulled out on the interstate Jay went to merge with trafic. Cars go flyin by as usual but what not usual was the phyicidelic type tracers folowing right behind the traffic. "Is this what they warned me about in school.. A flash back?" Was in my head! All the lights everywhere. The small street lights would not stay stationary, they all seemd to move around or rotate in there own cycle or repitition, not fast, all very slowly. I was totaly aware that Jason was not seeing these things. This was very alarming and truely frightning. If i toid Jayson what i was seeing "Knowing you Chris you got some bad shrooms or Acid or something." And he may have been right, had i not givin that shit up with my youth. This was going to have to stay with me. No dbout, which was terrifying not being able to "debriff" about the "phanaminon." All i could do was observe things that would cause this condition to improve or decline. The one thing i found that worked: Stay out of the dark.
Jay droped me off at my porn set on Skidrow. They put me on the second floor. Yeah, no elevator, i was truly concerned about the stairs. I began to count how many times a day i would use them. "Once for work and back. Once for dinner. Smokes? Fuck, there's no tellin." The stair wells were concrete, no carpet, no tackey sandy paint, nothin. Whith the chance encounterwith a junky a ladie of the night or a fuckin Troll. If i took a Humpty Dumpty, there's no tellin my fate.
.....
My work was slowly beginig to key in on what was up with me. Jason peirce met me at the pick up, jumped out of the truck ran in the airport, grabed my bags for me and loaded them himself. So there was communication between branches about my "Status" yet still chose to let me roll the dice. "They're giving me all the rope i cared to take. Seemed another one of my own princeples was putting me to its test. Recognizing this "I shall finish the game." Time as always, holds the noose,trap door and lever, ooooooooooooor the ability to William Tell yourself trough it all.
It was when we left the airport that a new issue made its first appearence. As we pulled out on the interstate Jay went to merge with trafic. Cars go flyin by as usual but what not usual was the phyicidelic type tracers folowing right behind the traffic. "Is this what they warned me about in school.. A flash back?" Was in my head! All the lights everywhere. The small street lights would not stay stationary, they all seemd to move around or rotate in there own cycle or repitition, not fast, all very slowly. I was totaly aware that Jason was not seeing these things. This was very alarming and truely frightning. If i toid Jayson what i was seeing "Knowing you Chris you got some bad shrooms or Acid or something." And he may have been right, had i not givin that shit up with my youth. This was going to have to stay with me. No dbout, which was terrifying not being able to "debriff" about the "phanaminon." All i could do was observe things that would cause this condition to improve or decline. The one thing i found that worked: Stay out of the dark.
Jay droped me off at my porn set on Skidrow. They put me on the second floor. Yeah, no elevator, i was truly concerned about the stairs. I began to count how many times a day i would use them. "Once for work and back. Once for dinner. Smokes? Fuck, there's no tellin." The stair wells were concrete, no carpet, no tackey sandy paint, nothin. Whith the chance encounterwith a junky a ladie of the night or a fuckin Troll. If i took a Humpty Dumpty, there's no tellin my fate.
.....
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
I've #8 (Big Whisky Chronicols Pt II
Late spring 2004 Kill Devil Hills
With certanty i knew i did'nt want to work for anyone with the name "Outlaw"unless its me ofcourse. Thats what the secratery or whoever answerd the phone for the full page full color add that had advertised "Dominating the OuterBanx" refered to the owner as. Giving me another number for his cell phone. Dialing this numeber, i was convincing myself i had'nt herd "Outlaw" "Musta been hearing shit. "Hello" in that colonial southern voice. Sounded like a kid. Being careful not to say the name "Yes sir, my name isChris Reid, i just relocated here from Salt Lake City. I am a climber and was told your the person to talk to about tree work." So stoked is how i felt when he told me to "Come on out. You know where Wan-cheese is?" Thats when i just knew "This shits no good man...." This is one thing Levi warned me about "Dont go to Wan cheese unless you felt like geting in trouble and under no cicumstances "Chris, never call someone from wan cheese a Wan Cheeser unless you feel like gettin fucked up." But it was a possible job which i reasoned was "Money" As all i had left after my first night out was 250.00 bucks to my name, no job, the nearest family i had was in Georga. The lawn care compaaany i had spoken to in the 17th street parking lot gave me the number to "Family tree" but they were not hireing. They,in turn gave me another name and number "Atlantic Tree, i think he hurt his back from what i understand, i think he's looking for some help." She gave me the number, i thanked her as we hung up. I called the number i was givin only to get an answering machine. "Shit dude you dont beleve in workin in the cool temps of the mornin?", after that is when i began my search through the phone book, and thats when i saw the full page add that had bad "juju" in just fliping to the add. Got dressed grabd a copy of my resume and began to walk out the door when the phone rang "Please be Atlantic Tree. Hello..." It was a womans voice...i thought so anyway...." Yeah Reid!!?" "This is" super loud interuption "Hold on!! Morgaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!" Had to pull my ear away from the phone. "Yeah Reid!? Yes this is Chris" "Yeah you start tomarrow, bring your Saddle and be here at eight." "Um, i was kinda wonering about this other company?...."They may have that boom truck an a bunch a fancy paint but thats awll they got!! What, ya talk to Outlaw already!?" " Yeah, and they want me to meet them in Wan-Cheese." " Well Mr if you value yer life whatsoever, youell stay the hell away from them!!" "Yeah somthing about a dude named Outlaw being a boss of mine just bwasnt sittin well." Then agian something about a crazy woman screaming in the phone i got a job was kinda strange too. But the screamer did say "start tomarrow" And it sure as hell was'nt Wan-Cheese. The beach was litterly 30 seconds from my front door, i had money."Eight o'clock ya say?" " You know where Kittyhawk road is? You get out on the by-pass road, go north. There el be a 7-11 on the leftand the Post Office on the right. Thats Kittyhawk road, turn left." I got waisted the rest of that day.
As if the signs wernt screamen at me the day before, i was being bitch slaped with them the next day. I dont know if it was the stars and bars flyn on the property next door. The Rot-y-ler "Morgan" with the hippo teeth that tryed to eat me. The three groundmen already at the yard when i arived, two of them with a kick ass dental plan and the one sportn the stars and bars in ink on his forarm and bandanna. Perhaps the Giant fucken Lehprican with all the skulls inked on his right sleeve that walked out the house 10 minutes after my pilgamidge. I would recon it was good i wore my shades 24 hours a day, for my eye's would have easly told anyone who could read, would've known i was shiting my pants. Oh dear god, here we go! "Hi im Chris i spoke with your wife yesteerday" Extending my hand, prepairing for a crunch. "Im Mark Fletcher. Im the owner operator of Atlantic Tree." Having mercey on my hand, i thought was a good sign. For a resume, i was just using copys of my Smokejumper resume, after buildinng one of those id be damned if i ever filled out another application agian. He gave it a quick glance fliped the pages.threw it in the house. "Yeah, we'll see where yer at.. lets take a walk down here." As we were pulling down the driveway in the f-700 beast, i just kinda gave him a quickover of my totaly rad tree dude carrier, i was really currious about where the job we were headed to was. When Mr Fletcher pulled out onto Kittyhawk road he went strait accrost onto Woods Rd and went past a sign that read Kittyhawk woods. "Wow" i thought, noticing the trees began to increse in size, the "woods" were just that, super dense and jungle like. I was liken this. We had probibly gone a half mile then we began to slow and took a right.The jungel (woods) just seemed to swallow the truck. A quick veer to right and then to the left. The freshly laid balacktop wwwas to the woods as Moses was to the dead sea. But the blacktop revealed a Better Homes and Gardens wet dream. A Barbee house frm hell.
As we pulled to the back of the huge lot a green pick up in the driveway in gold lettering read John Croner Roofing. "Tree causing roof damage?" I asked investigattingly. The steroid fortifyed"Lucky" jut shook his head and quitely spoke "This is "Elton" John Cronners House." "You mean the guy who owns that truck, owns this?" All bright eyed. I was met with a casual nod and spit into his chaw cup. He parked us at the rear of the property near a line of large Tough sheds. Showing him my Buckingham glide did'nt get the reaction i had thought i would get. Handing the saddel over to him, he held my 280 dollars of totally awsomeness up like it was bought at a lingere store. Talk about shoot'n a climbers "horse" He was also admireing the way i was using a knot in my flip line to lock off with versus the trditional Gibbs that everyother climber with an ounce of sence used. "Uh, Chris, i have, uh, never seen this used like, uh, this." Inquireing about the "unique" configureation and manner in which i was "customized" to Death...literaly. I assured him "This is how i was taught by my last boss." Mark was whearing shades and im possitive i would have seen the "Are you smokin boulders!!!" eyes screamin at me. "I,ll show ya." Thinking i had assured him. He loand me his set of hooks to climb with. While i was gettin my things together so was mark. He had switched out of the tan Wolverine s into a pair of Water Mocasens, a type of anti-snakebite boot laced to just below the knee a Bright orange almost brand new Pacificco kevlar hardhat, he had left the chinstrap hanging. Were it not for his beefcakeness i know i would have laughed my ass off. He looked like an Ostrich Jockey hunting for monkey. The little chubby Jonny Rebeled out Papa Smurff named Jerry pulled up on a fourwheeler "Ye caaan put chaw geeeare own heeere." " "Thanksman." "Owwha." "Jerry, uh, grab a couple of ropes, that shoulddo it. He loaded the racks with gear hoped on and putted away. Mr Fletcher and i began to walk along the rear fence of the backyard to the north east corner of the turff. Mark walked to the base of two southern yellow pines, turned faceing me "Alright,uh, Chris, i want you to bring these two to the earth. Extending his arm with finger up sstrate into the air. My eyes following the general direction, up. OOOOOh mmyyyyyy gooooooddd! thats gotta be at least ahundred feet! Mark continued on "I want everything roped out. "Ok" whatever in the hell that means.h and uh, this houe is bout 4 million dollars jJim, dont hit it. It was 9 am. Who the hells Jim?
By the time i had made it to the top of "tower 1" i did'nt thinki had anything left it was a real good thing he rechanted and let me freefall everything. Not that that saved anytime. Before i begaqn i had shown Mark a new kevlar filled shirt i had ordered from Stihl, it acted as saw chaps for the arm and sholders. "Im gonna need one of these" i said tomyself being Mr safety and all. Mark had checked it out with some intrest. "Cool" i was feeling a little confidence building with his curiosity "You gonna whear that?" "Yeah" "Hmmm" Now i understood what fuckn "Hmmm" ment. Heat was my element "I was born of fire and ice!!" All cocky as hell. But when i had cut off the HUGE 3 foot top i could no longer hold my chainsaw up. Glancing over at "Tower #2" and then down the "Hundred foot" trunk seeing "Baboon tamer" and now a fullbrimed hard hatted "Jonny rebel Papa smurf known as Jerry, both with there arms foldedas if i was the days entertainment. "Theres no way in hell im climbing up there too. Im setting my blue over there and swinging over there"( Such a smart guy i was.) "I need a polesaw with two sticks!!!" "Hey, uh Chris!! Igave em my attention "I need you to take ,uh,fifteen foot of that pole!!" Giveing a nod of the order,an awwfuuuck moan came upon me. I still set my line tied my "Blake's" sent down my polesaw and began my decent through all the staabs i had left behind "What a pain in the ass" The lessons to be learned from my first time in the "big Wood" were innumerable looking back, that if someone would have pointed out all the stupid shit i was doing i probibly would have found a new profestion. I took off all the staabs and the 15' Baboon tamer required, in one foot rounds. Everytime i threw down a round, the Tamer would yell up "Bigger!!" I would look down and see him say "Something??-cut!!" Not having the slightest clue what he was saying i would just continue on.till he got his 15' and then swung over to tower #2. Much quicker going than tower #1, still i left a trail of staabs unable to understand the error of my ways. I got to the top hacked off the trophy, took a breather(smoke), looked down and saw a third face who was also experenceing the show."Must be John Cronner, i must addmit he does look alot like Elton. You fuckers enjoyn yourselfs? So now i untie to work my way back through yet another gauntlet of staabs for the second time unprotechted, this time inexcusably so. I get down to the same higth as tower #1. Just as i had killed the 200T and felt a tug on my hip, looked down to see the grey fullbrim and smurff bootie's scampering away. I drew my blue up untill the splice with the white line in it made it to me. Papa smurffs down there yelling and giving me some signs. I could'nt help but start grin and kakel. Right about then Mark yells out "Jerry!!! what in the hell are you doin!?" You could see Mark had put em in check buy the way Jerrys head started bobin and a scowell back at Mark. I reached for my figure8 the white line was secured to the trunk. "What the fuck!?"there was no figure8 anywhere on my saddel. I thought i was gonna be macgyver and use the tail of my blue with a blakes hitch. This was a very rude and embarassing way to find out i was using a double rope technique on a single rope. So i gaff out and slid around 25 feet before i let go of the hitch. the knot scinched down so hard i swore the almighty himself was'nt gonna crack the knot. 20 more minutes i had to dangel there trying to aleveate weight to losten the bind the hitch had on the rope. Finely, i took another 25 foot plunge and the same thing happend. This time 5 feet off the hard deck. Lucky for me Mark and Jerry were prepaired to handel getting me off line from that point cause there was no life left in me. All at once i threw up and bout blacked out from the heat. "Welcome to the south Jim! My watch read 1 pm
With certanty i knew i did'nt want to work for anyone with the name "Outlaw"unless its me ofcourse. Thats what the secratery or whoever answerd the phone for the full page full color add that had advertised "Dominating the OuterBanx" refered to the owner as. Giving me another number for his cell phone. Dialing this numeber, i was convincing myself i had'nt herd "Outlaw" "Musta been hearing shit. "Hello" in that colonial southern voice. Sounded like a kid. Being careful not to say the name "Yes sir, my name isChris Reid, i just relocated here from Salt Lake City. I am a climber and was told your the person to talk to about tree work." So stoked is how i felt when he told me to "Come on out. You know where Wan-cheese is?" Thats when i just knew "This shits no good man...." This is one thing Levi warned me about "Dont go to Wan cheese unless you felt like geting in trouble and under no cicumstances "Chris, never call someone from wan cheese a Wan Cheeser unless you feel like gettin fucked up." But it was a possible job which i reasoned was "Money" As all i had left after my first night out was 250.00 bucks to my name, no job, the nearest family i had was in Georga. The lawn care compaaany i had spoken to in the 17th street parking lot gave me the number to "Family tree" but they were not hireing. They,in turn gave me another name and number "Atlantic Tree, i think he hurt his back from what i understand, i think he's looking for some help." She gave me the number, i thanked her as we hung up. I called the number i was givin only to get an answering machine. "Shit dude you dont beleve in workin in the cool temps of the mornin?", after that is when i began my search through the phone book, and thats when i saw the full page add that had bad "juju" in just fliping to the add. Got dressed grabd a copy of my resume and began to walk out the door when the phone rang "Please be Atlantic Tree. Hello..." It was a womans voice...i thought so anyway...." Yeah Reid!!?" "This is" super loud interuption "Hold on!! Morgaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!!" Had to pull my ear away from the phone. "Yeah Reid!? Yes this is Chris" "Yeah you start tomarrow, bring your Saddle and be here at eight." "Um, i was kinda wonering about this other company?...."They may have that boom truck an a bunch a fancy paint but thats awll they got!! What, ya talk to Outlaw already!?" " Yeah, and they want me to meet them in Wan-Cheese." " Well Mr if you value yer life whatsoever, youell stay the hell away from them!!" "Yeah somthing about a dude named Outlaw being a boss of mine just bwasnt sittin well." Then agian something about a crazy woman screaming in the phone i got a job was kinda strange too. But the screamer did say "start tomarrow" And it sure as hell was'nt Wan-Cheese. The beach was litterly 30 seconds from my front door, i had money."Eight o'clock ya say?" " You know where Kittyhawk road is? You get out on the by-pass road, go north. There el be a 7-11 on the leftand the Post Office on the right. Thats Kittyhawk road, turn left." I got waisted the rest of that day.
As if the signs wernt screamen at me the day before, i was being bitch slaped with them the next day. I dont know if it was the stars and bars flyn on the property next door. The Rot-y-ler "Morgan" with the hippo teeth that tryed to eat me. The three groundmen already at the yard when i arived, two of them with a kick ass dental plan and the one sportn the stars and bars in ink on his forarm and bandanna. Perhaps the Giant fucken Lehprican with all the skulls inked on his right sleeve that walked out the house 10 minutes after my pilgamidge. I would recon it was good i wore my shades 24 hours a day, for my eye's would have easly told anyone who could read, would've known i was shiting my pants. Oh dear god, here we go! "Hi im Chris i spoke with your wife yesteerday" Extending my hand, prepairing for a crunch. "Im Mark Fletcher. Im the owner operator of Atlantic Tree." Having mercey on my hand, i thought was a good sign. For a resume, i was just using copys of my Smokejumper resume, after buildinng one of those id be damned if i ever filled out another application agian. He gave it a quick glance fliped the pages.threw it in the house. "Yeah, we'll see where yer at.. lets take a walk down here." As we were pulling down the driveway in the f-700 beast, i just kinda gave him a quickover of my totaly rad tree dude carrier, i was really currious about where the job we were headed to was. When Mr Fletcher pulled out onto Kittyhawk road he went strait accrost onto Woods Rd and went past a sign that read Kittyhawk woods. "Wow" i thought, noticing the trees began to increse in size, the "woods" were just that, super dense and jungle like. I was liken this. We had probibly gone a half mile then we began to slow and took a right.The jungel (woods) just seemed to swallow the truck. A quick veer to right and then to the left. The freshly laid balacktop wwwas to the woods as Moses was to the dead sea. But the blacktop revealed a Better Homes and Gardens wet dream. A Barbee house frm hell.
As we pulled to the back of the huge lot a green pick up in the driveway in gold lettering read John Croner Roofing. "Tree causing roof damage?" I asked investigattingly. The steroid fortifyed"Lucky" jut shook his head and quitely spoke "This is "Elton" John Cronners House." "You mean the guy who owns that truck, owns this?" All bright eyed. I was met with a casual nod and spit into his chaw cup. He parked us at the rear of the property near a line of large Tough sheds. Showing him my Buckingham glide did'nt get the reaction i had thought i would get. Handing the saddel over to him, he held my 280 dollars of totally awsomeness up like it was bought at a lingere store. Talk about shoot'n a climbers "horse" He was also admireing the way i was using a knot in my flip line to lock off with versus the trditional Gibbs that everyother climber with an ounce of sence used. "Uh, Chris, i have, uh, never seen this used like, uh, this." Inquireing about the "unique" configureation and manner in which i was "customized" to Death...literaly. I assured him "This is how i was taught by my last boss." Mark was whearing shades and im possitive i would have seen the "Are you smokin boulders!!!" eyes screamin at me. "I,ll show ya." Thinking i had assured him. He loand me his set of hooks to climb with. While i was gettin my things together so was mark. He had switched out of the tan Wolverine s into a pair of Water Mocasens, a type of anti-snakebite boot laced to just below the knee a Bright orange almost brand new Pacificco kevlar hardhat, he had left the chinstrap hanging. Were it not for his beefcakeness i know i would have laughed my ass off. He looked like an Ostrich Jockey hunting for monkey. The little chubby Jonny Rebeled out Papa Smurff named Jerry pulled up on a fourwheeler "Ye caaan put chaw geeeare own heeere." " "Thanksman." "Owwha." "Jerry, uh, grab a couple of ropes, that shoulddo it. He loaded the racks with gear hoped on and putted away. Mr Fletcher and i began to walk along the rear fence of the backyard to the north east corner of the turff. Mark walked to the base of two southern yellow pines, turned faceing me "Alright,uh, Chris, i want you to bring these two to the earth. Extending his arm with finger up sstrate into the air. My eyes following the general direction, up. OOOOOh mmyyyyyy gooooooddd! thats gotta be at least ahundred feet! Mark continued on "I want everything roped out. "Ok" whatever in the hell that means.h and uh, this houe is bout 4 million dollars jJim, dont hit it. It was 9 am. Who the hells Jim?
By the time i had made it to the top of "tower 1" i did'nt thinki had anything left it was a real good thing he rechanted and let me freefall everything. Not that that saved anytime. Before i begaqn i had shown Mark a new kevlar filled shirt i had ordered from Stihl, it acted as saw chaps for the arm and sholders. "Im gonna need one of these" i said tomyself being Mr safety and all. Mark had checked it out with some intrest. "Cool" i was feeling a little confidence building with his curiosity "You gonna whear that?" "Yeah" "Hmmm" Now i understood what fuckn "Hmmm" ment. Heat was my element "I was born of fire and ice!!" All cocky as hell. But when i had cut off the HUGE 3 foot top i could no longer hold my chainsaw up. Glancing over at "Tower #2" and then down the "Hundred foot" trunk seeing "Baboon tamer" and now a fullbrimed hard hatted "Jonny rebel Papa smurf known as Jerry, both with there arms foldedas if i was the days entertainment. "Theres no way in hell im climbing up there too. Im setting my blue over there and swinging over there"( Such a smart guy i was.) "I need a polesaw with two sticks!!!" "Hey, uh Chris!! Igave em my attention "I need you to take ,uh,fifteen foot of that pole!!" Giveing a nod of the order,an awwfuuuck moan came upon me. I still set my line tied my "Blake's" sent down my polesaw and began my decent through all the staabs i had left behind "What a pain in the ass" The lessons to be learned from my first time in the "big Wood" were innumerable looking back, that if someone would have pointed out all the stupid shit i was doing i probibly would have found a new profestion. I took off all the staabs and the 15' Baboon tamer required, in one foot rounds. Everytime i threw down a round, the Tamer would yell up "Bigger!!" I would look down and see him say "Something??-cut!!" Not having the slightest clue what he was saying i would just continue on.till he got his 15' and then swung over to tower #2. Much quicker going than tower #1, still i left a trail of staabs unable to understand the error of my ways. I got to the top hacked off the trophy, took a breather(smoke), looked down and saw a third face who was also experenceing the show."Must be John Cronner, i must addmit he does look alot like Elton. You fuckers enjoyn yourselfs? So now i untie to work my way back through yet another gauntlet of staabs for the second time unprotechted, this time inexcusably so. I get down to the same higth as tower #1. Just as i had killed the 200T and felt a tug on my hip, looked down to see the grey fullbrim and smurff bootie's scampering away. I drew my blue up untill the splice with the white line in it made it to me. Papa smurffs down there yelling and giving me some signs. I could'nt help but start grin and kakel. Right about then Mark yells out "Jerry!!! what in the hell are you doin!?" You could see Mark had put em in check buy the way Jerrys head started bobin and a scowell back at Mark. I reached for my figure8 the white line was secured to the trunk. "What the fuck!?"there was no figure8 anywhere on my saddel. I thought i was gonna be macgyver and use the tail of my blue with a blakes hitch. This was a very rude and embarassing way to find out i was using a double rope technique on a single rope. So i gaff out and slid around 25 feet before i let go of the hitch. the knot scinched down so hard i swore the almighty himself was'nt gonna crack the knot. 20 more minutes i had to dangel there trying to aleveate weight to losten the bind the hitch had on the rope. Finely, i took another 25 foot plunge and the same thing happend. This time 5 feet off the hard deck. Lucky for me Mark and Jerry were prepaired to handel getting me off line from that point cause there was no life left in me. All at once i threw up and bout blacked out from the heat. "Welcome to the south Jim! My watch read 1 pm
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I've #7 (The Big Whiskey Chronicles Part I)
My thoughts and prayers are with the Cox family and the 2 Powell Boys.
Not to long after "Dr Tree Love" and the White Ash (days) I was back at the "Company" "Blah, Blah ,Blah" the ring of my three way. It was Steve. Agian i had another request to travel, this time they wanted me in Spokane Wa. They wanhted me to be appart of the new Tree dude relocation program, that i had propositiond/lobbied like hell for for years. I really wanted to spend some time in the Podarosa Pines in that area of the Northwest, and givvin the chance, could make some serious pesos. They wanted me to move there originaly. The family would4nt here of it Kinda bummed me out at the time. And that had added even more ambition to make Utah MY home base of opperation's for some sort of " National Arborist Opperations Center" or something like that. A pipe dream. Now, not only had another Branch/state requested my services. This would be the third time in a month i would be in travel status. The super awsome part was that Spokane was willing to room and board me for a month this time! Steve! "Dude Chris, get your ass up to Washinigton and get the fuck off my payroll! Let those queers up there pay your way for a montlh." I grined and let out a fake as hell laugh and just froze up inside. The last time i had that deer caught in the headlights charge come over me due to someting carrier orented, i was being escorted off a Hellibase in Santaquin, on a Type 1 Fire. I had been insubordinate to and talked some serious shit on and called rotton names on the Assistan Sup of my Hellitack crew. I got in her face,it was bad. I lost my Dream with the USFS because of it. If anyone knows Marena Reba or your reading this...IM SO SORRY MARENA. Lost for words is where i was. Being so wraped up in my "only easy day was yesterday/ Stop the madness" conflict in my head, i dont think rashinality was something i could grasp. This had become a battle of wills. The The Chris Reid SEAL waanabe will agianst the phantom "Forest Griffin" will. The wanna be had been holding his own, but Mr Meeahgee never went over how to handel a beast of this nature
."Steve the Grand Pubah of our branch", was a friend/co-worker on the applications side, before he was promoted to Branch Mgr,, and he could see, how whatever i had was no longer overseeable or something to claim "ignorants" too. Should something happen to me on his clock. Now he was whearing his Branch Mgr hat and his good buddy hat. There was a sort of struggle i could pick up on, in the looks and glance's i kept feeling on me. "Wull when do they want me?" "Tony wants you to get ahold of em to work out the details. " Giving a questioning look and raisen the brows. "Fuck Steve..i dont know???" "Yeah man, i,ve been watchen ya stuggle pretty hard...this is your job man, Corporite put in this request. What, you gonna tell em no?""No..." Steve, was permiting me all my rope, the gallo and the lever. Yet trusting me to yell out "Guilty!" Before ever letting the trap door swing on myself. "What cha gonna do?""All i can do, tell the truth...Ill just let em know i have'nt been feeling that great and need a little time.....After i make Tony track me down." Met with a pause, deep breaththe the look the brow thing and a reluctant "Alright..."
Peering through the rearview "This must be Mr Dave" As a pickup come flying upthe road. I still could not belive anyone would let this go. Recalling the first time we spoke"Yeah Chris, i think we got it taken care of. Diamond's comming up here this weekend." " Oh, you're able to get ahold of em?" Shit, any time another bird gets the worm, it sucks. He called me the next day. "Holyshit" They had screwed him agian. He gave them one more shake after already burning him once already.
Thats when he toldm oln me they were gona "Drop it"As we were ruising up the "Exclusive" resedents only section of the canyon. I had no idea where the black top turned to washboard ended. Usually, i would be grining with a bit of antisipation. Today, no grin here. The antisipation was building and so was a feeling of dread. Horney or Dave, was a smaller fella, if i had to guess was in the late fourtys. Was quick, concise and to the point type dude. When he hoped out of his ride with the a can of suds some quick intro and instruction on the gate, drove his road as if he was Miky Thompson. "fuckn Jack Russell Terrior! I like em." My redneck caddi was driving on clouds. Since aquiring the Cummins, most of theother trucks i deemed "infereor and uncivilized" with a chuckel. We rounded a bend aaand off to the east there was a pond or wetland, one more bend to the west and the final driveway. "This is one fuckn awsome place..Holyshit." I saw a tall one with some "Dr Seuse" lean on it comeing in, it was dead in front of me now "That must be him" right underneith the crestinig fur stood Horneys cabin. "Yeah i could see how that could make a Horney guy go limp." Continuing my laugh sliding out of my seat onto the pact miniril soil of the driveway. "Well you can see my problem Chris!?" "Well hell yeah. So Dimond jerked ya off huh?" "Hell ya Chris! You would'nt do that would ya Chris!" Daves a very....Direct dude. "Uh, no sir!" "Elliot would'nt send me someone like that." My footing wasnt to bad but i was having to really concentrate on it though. Moving from the levelness of the parking area through the fire ring and the transition up the slope to trhe rear of Daves cabin. About 30-40 feet up hill from there stands a 100+ feet of "none other than Sub alpine fur. Hello big fella!...So, the other guys sayed they were gonna put a face cut in and drop it?" As i was doing the muti tasking walk\gab\look\point thing, something was bound to give and that was my balance. I hit the ground. "Oh shiiit!" "Chris, what happend.... you alright?""JYeah, i triped on that root" i was lucky there happend to be a root stiking out of the soil " i've been feeling really weak lately, i dunno whats up..." "Not sure. So, they wanted 2 bills to face cut and drop this thing?" " They sayed they wanted to pull it over Chris.." looking at that option i saw pulling to the east the only way for anyone with common sence, attempt to do it. To do that it appeard you would need about 5 hanks worth of rope, some two way radios3 or 4 spotters and a new Insurance agent at the ready. First off its a furr tree, not a vascular tree. They are very soft It s on a slope. Its total natural lean is down hill with th8e "Jack Russells" homestead 40ft down hill fom where" big walley" stands I think about it. "If it were my place? Would i be Mr swinging dick Feller and drop it? Lets say i got all the rope ,wedges, radios and the trust and know how of my crew? Maybe. As thinges are? Nope. To many human factors not to mention whats gonna happen when he hits the earth? He'."s big enough, it's possible it'll roll down into the back of Daves cabin. I did'nt like it. "Well..what da ya think Chris?" Droping my head, Horneys still looking up. "Listen Mr Horn" "Dave please Chris." "Dave, i would'nt drop this tree. I dont feel good about it. And neither should you as the home owner." I went on to explaine why." So what what daya sayn? You want to climb it?" "Thats how i'd prefer to do it. Wedging that thing over is way to close for me. No, if i was taking this tree down id be climbing it." Giving another up and down and i was almost down agian! "You ok Chris...?" "My equalibreum's all jacked. I must still hve some of that flu." Another lie. " "Well Chris , hows soon could you do it.""How soon do you need it done Dave?" Grining now "How about this weekend?" Damn! "If thats what you require, we'll be here. This is gonna cost ya five hundred bucks..." That raised the anti. Lets see the flop. "You'll be here saturday?" "Yes sir" "Alright saturday morning." Bingo! After the deal had been brokered we had a beer. For the life of me i cant remember our chit chat. But i can tell ya what i was thinking "Ok Jim...What the fuck are we gonna do now!!!!? Are you insane Jim? Jim, you've gone and lost your damn mind!!" As i gazed up at big walley "So when you say climb wha`t are you gonna do
ccut the top out ?" "Yes sir" with a nod. And wheres it gonna go?" " I'll lower it down!" "I dont know....Yer insured ofcourse???" " To 2 Million" " But i thought thats why you needed this done. To mitigate not litigate." "I think im gonna film it. I thinik my brother will be up here with his kids scout troup. They'll be cuting up that pile3 of wood there. That'll be ok wont it" "They're gonna get one hell of a Jr Woodchuck merit badge demenstration." Hope i dont pull a Gyro n kill myself infront of them.
Blah, blah,blah. What itd take two days before Tony came at me via threeway. "Yeah Steve told me" A month was out of the Qwestion. Told em sometings up with me. "Id hate for me to go up there only to come back because im sick. That would be a total waste." Id know more after this weekend. If i can knock out this one over the weekend id feel ok about giving so time up north." I'll talk to you monday"
Not to long after "Dr Tree Love" and the White Ash (days) I was back at the "Company" "Blah, Blah ,Blah" the ring of my three way. It was Steve. Agian i had another request to travel, this time they wanted me in Spokane Wa. They wanhted me to be appart of the new Tree dude relocation program, that i had propositiond/lobbied like hell for for years. I really wanted to spend some time in the Podarosa Pines in that area of the Northwest, and givvin the chance, could make some serious pesos. They wanted me to move there originaly. The family would4nt here of it Kinda bummed me out at the time. And that had added even more ambition to make Utah MY home base of opperation's for some sort of " National Arborist Opperations Center" or something like that. A pipe dream. Now, not only had another Branch/state requested my services. This would be the third time in a month i would be in travel status. The super awsome part was that Spokane was willing to room and board me for a month this time! Steve! "Dude Chris, get your ass up to Washinigton and get the fuck off my payroll! Let those queers up there pay your way for a montlh." I grined and let out a fake as hell laugh and just froze up inside. The last time i had that deer caught in the headlights charge come over me due to someting carrier orented, i was being escorted off a Hellibase in Santaquin, on a Type 1 Fire. I had been insubordinate to and talked some serious shit on and called rotton names on the Assistan Sup of my Hellitack crew. I got in her face,it was bad. I lost my Dream with the USFS because of it. If anyone knows Marena Reba or your reading this...IM SO SORRY MARENA. Lost for words is where i was. Being so wraped up in my "only easy day was yesterday/ Stop the madness" conflict in my head, i dont think rashinality was something i could grasp. This had become a battle of wills. The The Chris Reid SEAL waanabe will agianst the phantom "Forest Griffin" will. The wanna be had been holding his own, but Mr Meeahgee never went over how to handel a beast of this nature
."Steve the Grand Pubah of our branch", was a friend/co-worker on the applications side, before he was promoted to Branch Mgr,, and he could see, how whatever i had was no longer overseeable or something to claim "ignorants" too. Should something happen to me on his clock. Now he was whearing his Branch Mgr hat and his good buddy hat. There was a sort of struggle i could pick up on, in the looks and glance's i kept feeling on me. "Wull when do they want me?" "Tony wants you to get ahold of em to work out the details. " Giving a questioning look and raisen the brows. "Fuck Steve..i dont know???" "Yeah man, i,ve been watchen ya stuggle pretty hard...this is your job man, Corporite put in this request. What, you gonna tell em no?""No..." Steve, was permiting me all my rope, the gallo and the lever. Yet trusting me to yell out "Guilty!" Before ever letting the trap door swing on myself. "What cha gonna do?""All i can do, tell the truth...Ill just let em know i have'nt been feeling that great and need a little time.....After i make Tony track me down." Met with a pause, deep breaththe the look the brow thing and a reluctant "Alright..."
Peering through the rearview "This must be Mr Dave" As a pickup come flying upthe road. I still could not belive anyone would let this go. Recalling the first time we spoke"Yeah Chris, i think we got it taken care of. Diamond's comming up here this weekend." " Oh, you're able to get ahold of em?" Shit, any time another bird gets the worm, it sucks. He called me the next day. "Holyshit" They had screwed him agian. He gave them one more shake after already burning him once already.
Thats when he toldm oln me they were gona "Drop it"As we were ruising up the "Exclusive" resedents only section of the canyon. I had no idea where the black top turned to washboard ended. Usually, i would be grining with a bit of antisipation. Today, no grin here. The antisipation was building and so was a feeling of dread. Horney or Dave, was a smaller fella, if i had to guess was in the late fourtys. Was quick, concise and to the point type dude. When he hoped out of his ride with the a can of suds some quick intro and instruction on the gate, drove his road as if he was Miky Thompson. "fuckn Jack Russell Terrior! I like em." My redneck caddi was driving on clouds. Since aquiring the Cummins, most of theother trucks i deemed "infereor and uncivilized" with a chuckel. We rounded a bend aaand off to the east there was a pond or wetland, one more bend to the west and the final driveway. "This is one fuckn awsome place..Holyshit." I saw a tall one with some "Dr Seuse" lean on it comeing in, it was dead in front of me now "That must be him" right underneith the crestinig fur stood Horneys cabin. "Yeah i could see how that could make a Horney guy go limp." Continuing my laugh sliding out of my seat onto the pact miniril soil of the driveway. "Well you can see my problem Chris!?" "Well hell yeah. So Dimond jerked ya off huh?" "Hell ya Chris! You would'nt do that would ya Chris!" Daves a very....Direct dude. "Uh, no sir!" "Elliot would'nt send me someone like that." My footing wasnt to bad but i was having to really concentrate on it though. Moving from the levelness of the parking area through the fire ring and the transition up the slope to trhe rear of Daves cabin. About 30-40 feet up hill from there stands a 100+ feet of "none other than Sub alpine fur. Hello big fella!...So, the other guys sayed they were gonna put a face cut in and drop it?" As i was doing the muti tasking walk\gab\look\point thing, something was bound to give and that was my balance. I hit the ground. "Oh shiiit!" "Chris, what happend.... you alright?""JYeah, i triped on that root" i was lucky there happend to be a root stiking out of the soil " i've been feeling really weak lately, i dunno whats up..." "Not sure. So, they wanted 2 bills to face cut and drop this thing?" " They sayed they wanted to pull it over Chris.." looking at that option i saw pulling to the east the only way for anyone with common sence, attempt to do it. To do that it appeard you would need about 5 hanks worth of rope, some two way radios3 or 4 spotters and a new Insurance agent at the ready. First off its a furr tree, not a vascular tree. They are very soft It s on a slope. Its total natural lean is down hill with th8e "Jack Russells" homestead 40ft down hill fom where" big walley" stands I think about it. "If it were my place? Would i be Mr swinging dick Feller and drop it? Lets say i got all the rope ,wedges, radios and the trust and know how of my crew? Maybe. As thinges are? Nope. To many human factors not to mention whats gonna happen when he hits the earth? He'."s big enough, it's possible it'll roll down into the back of Daves cabin. I did'nt like it. "Well..what da ya think Chris?" Droping my head, Horneys still looking up. "Listen Mr Horn" "Dave please Chris." "Dave, i would'nt drop this tree. I dont feel good about it. And neither should you as the home owner." I went on to explaine why." So what what daya sayn? You want to climb it?" "Thats how i'd prefer to do it. Wedging that thing over is way to close for me. No, if i was taking this tree down id be climbing it." Giving another up and down and i was almost down agian! "You ok Chris...?" "My equalibreum's all jacked. I must still hve some of that flu." Another lie. " "Well Chris , hows soon could you do it.""How soon do you need it done Dave?" Grining now "How about this weekend?" Damn! "If thats what you require, we'll be here. This is gonna cost ya five hundred bucks..." That raised the anti. Lets see the flop. "You'll be here saturday?" "Yes sir" "Alright saturday morning." Bingo! After the deal had been brokered we had a beer. For the life of me i cant remember our chit chat. But i can tell ya what i was thinking "Ok Jim...What the fuck are we gonna do now!!!!? Are you insane Jim? Jim, you've gone and lost your damn mind!!" As i gazed up at big walley "So when you say climb wha`t are you gonna do
ccut the top out ?" "Yes sir" with a nod. And wheres it gonna go?" " I'll lower it down!" "I dont know....Yer insured ofcourse???" " To 2 Million" " But i thought thats why you needed this done. To mitigate not litigate." "I think im gonna film it. I thinik my brother will be up here with his kids scout troup. They'll be cuting up that pile3 of wood there. That'll be ok wont it" "They're gonna get one hell of a Jr Woodchuck merit badge demenstration." Hope i dont pull a Gyro n kill myself infront of them.
Blah, blah,blah. What itd take two days before Tony came at me via threeway. "Yeah Steve told me" A month was out of the Qwestion. Told em sometings up with me. "Id hate for me to go up there only to come back because im sick. That would be a total waste." Id know more after this weekend. If i can knock out this one over the weekend id feel ok about giving so time up north." I'll talk to you monday"
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I've #6
In the north east part of the Salt Lake vally is located the oldest University west of the Missisory river. Nestled all around the Universy of Utah is the area known as the Ave's. Historicly this was know as a lower income living back in the day. Interestingly enough, this area became a Historical area and has been registerd as so. Some really uniqe turn of the centry structures has lead to the folks who reside here to do some very spendy Restoration projects. Along with the Hansel and Grettle esq housing is a trove of trees planted from the days of old. Common are the sycamores, Ash and Maples that line the parking strips. There is also quite a few ornamentals that have been researched extencively by the arbor adoring resident/community, BEFORE, ground was broken and the sapling was destined for doom. Which makes that location a real pleasure to work in. Many times was i being tested about what pest, desease, fungi......std! the damn thing had. Already knowing what it had. Other times its "How did we get a fungus?" "You must not be using protechtion...." Its an ice breaker and a way for me to gauge my clientel. And in the Ave's folks seem to apreciate a sence of humor. Its just a fun place to work and be in the Salt Lake area. Al of Tree Love tree care managed to sniff out a treasure of an Ash (lol) It was in serious need of weight reduction or the risk of losing a large amount of award winning structure was imminant. I got out my throw line and a 8oz throw weight. When setting a climb line, im not just looking for the highest strong crotch im also looking for the crotch that alows for the best access to 360d degrees of the tree. We call this locating your "purches point" and to hit one of these with a throw line....Fly Fishing's for pussys in comparesin. After getting set up for the toss i gavemy sweet spot a quick glance and with a few swings with my arm i let the last swing be the big one and at the endof the swing there is a snap of a wrist and release. And even in my pathetic condition "I fucken hit it! on my first try even!" Which ment I get to climb first and set Duanes line for him too. I was actually able to reachthe top pretty quickly, got Duanes line set and we were business. Now, this Ash tree was not a huge tree, but it was large enough to be tag teamed and wraped up in....half a day with 2 in the air?...Nope. With me suffering from "mongolian butt fungus" or what ever i had. Duane's not a "Green horn" but he does move slower," he'll get quicker with more time in the saddle" still his pace is much Quicker than mine. This was not an all day tree!, yet "Today it sure as hell is!!" I found it very difficut to maintain a leval working platform with my legs.Seemed like every time i got into a level position to work, one or sometimes both legs would kinda 'deflate" or fail.Good thing chain saw use was at a minimum. And of course the fatigue from hell i was fighting through was kickn my ass like Forest Griffin. The harder i fought the fatige would bust out some Ju-jit-su and make my efforts all for not. It was early fall so temps were making there final seasonal decent, yet it felt as if it were the dead of summer. Somehow i hit the earth before Duane. Had a couple of Boros. I just could not disasociate the pain of the glowing orange hot "shard of steel" i visualized up my ass, that was now morphing into a orange hot ballon. I hurt so bad, crying an option but out of the question. It really felt like i had to piss fire as well! Agian a "measley squirt o piss...What in the hell?" Ziped er up and sat back down. My mind now reaching for the "Banyo incedent in Boise" "Dear loard baby Jesus, please dont let me shit myself here on this job...or ever agian!..please? So i began to help drag brush and clean up, thats when Alex piped up. "Duuuuuude Chris are you alright man!?" "Im just super tierd man."" Dude your walkin like you've been breakkkin broncos your ewhole life"" Al, thats how i feel and i dont even ride fuckn bulls..." Haunched over against a fence now. I could hardly even coil up my Poison Ivy. "Tell ya what dude, you stay and chip and we'll make the drag,cool?" All i could do is node my head asif in defeat. "You were in the air all day, we'll get it duuuuuude." Whith his San Luis fashon and grin. Man i must look like a seriously hurtin unit if Al's tellin me to hang back. Al like most of us had drive, sometimes analy so. "Hoo-Ra" Is all i could think of to mutter. Ok so I confess im a SEAL wanna-be, never was but Man! the choises i could have made in my life. As we began the final clen up Al was ready to pay up. "Al I'll take half my rate i only gave half my normal production." "You sure man??" "Yeah man, thats fair isnt it?" "Totally" And with that i took Duane and my sorry ass to Tony's for a "Turkey Tony's to cheep for Knob or makers." "Thats Lame" "Yeah...................lame."
Finely Horney" as Elliot had stated and I were able to schedual an appointment to meet at the top of "Fucken Lambs Canyon, Man! The price of disel i better land this fish." This would be another "prize jewel" of a job being on the edge of National Forest and the fall colors were making there apperence. There was nothing like being up in the air, enveloped, in a sea of different colored aspen clones. Remembering my days on the Wasatch Helitack/Rappelers and flying all over the Wasatch Cache and Uinta National Forests. Being so fortunate with that carrier also came a grip of fringe bennifits. Flying fire in that sea of colors was one of them. Then there was my rock climbing days that ceast due to my profestional tree climbing carrier. As far back as i can remember being in the colors and elements really got me off.
Finely Horney" as Elliot had stated and I were able to schedual an appointment to meet at the top of "Fucken Lambs Canyon, Man! The price of disel i better land this fish." This would be another "prize jewel" of a job being on the edge of National Forest and the fall colors were making there apperence. There was nothing like being up in the air, enveloped, in a sea of different colored aspen clones. Remembering my days on the Wasatch Helitack/Rappelers and flying all over the Wasatch Cache and Uinta National Forests. Being so fortunate with that carrier also came a grip of fringe bennifits. Flying fire in that sea of colors was one of them. Then there was my rock climbing days that ceast due to my profestional tree climbing carrier. As far back as i can remember being in the colors and elements really got me off.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)