It's been, coming up on a year since I reeally givin this project any fair thought. Actually I've had many thought's but have just been too preoccupied with a newer way of the newer way of living.
Perspective.....as with all thing's changes. I can't even begin to count how many 180's it's busted on me in the last 3 years.
When this thing began I lived with my family in a house with 1 wife, 3 son's, coverd parking, a 2 car garage, a back yard and all the other shit that come's along with it.
Now home is 1 bedroom apt with a covered parking spot. Without giving them some sort of "out" i cant figure out why I've become the focus of nothing, seeing my youngest what has slowly been whittled down to onjce a month and his older bothers maybe......once in a six month period is probibly the tuffest to digest.
Do I need go further? No
By the time I had made it to my chair in the infusion center, late, by around a half hour due to the unscedualed banyo stop.
My walk began at the drop off zone at the U, acually it began getting ready for the day at home. Needing help buttoning up my drawers, tieing my boots and getting ready for that big day.
By this time walking had become a joke. With my joints just locking up, especially in/at the knee's. I would go to take a step and my knee's would just lock up. So hard that it felt as though the joint should be working in reverse as if the knee cap should have been in the pit of the joint and I should have been moving around like a kangaroo, only walking. Obviously I tryed to walk correctly but the more I would try to walk "right" the more thw joint would try to move the opposite direction to the point of pain. Using my fists I would swing wildly with all I had sometimes tyhree or four times to force my knee's to function as they should have.
In my cassa I had wall's and furniture to aide and catch me when I fell but getting down the two step's into the garage into the paddi wagon required wife and eldest son's help, basicly human cruches and a boost into the passenger seat.
A really nice Betty White lookin nurse comes by with a few questions and a book for me to read about Tysabri. It contain's info on do's, donnt's and other facts such as "This shit can kill a craka dead as all hell!" She want's to know if im sick, have the flu or think i may be ill.If so "You'll have to rescedual. Tysabri is like a ballistic weppon on the immune system. It wipes it clean out so if you have any infections they are givin the green light to raise hell in your bod.
My mind was having a hard time staying on the current.
My "last walk" going nothing like I had Envisioned for myself.
"Hey babe just hold on a sec, one of those parking guys will probibly help us out." I aint waiting for noone I gotta fuckin piss." Thats where it got all fucked up. Trying to get someone's attention in that drop off zone is near imposible there's so much going on. Van's , buses, shuttles and cars all droping off and picking up in that little zone. I was able to sorta slide myself outta the seat and on to the black top luckly on my feet.
I had envisioned something a bit more...bold, for myself. Having to have someone dress, tie my shoes and boost me into my "car seat" kinda put a whole different twist on the events leading up to being hooked up to the IV.
I was,
Sittin down! sittin down! Everybody's settled!
Stepin forward! tripin forward! tripin forward!
Someone who saw me struggling grabed one of the maany wheelchairs that were in the drop off area, "Sir do you need some help? Here's a wheelchair..." "No! I'm ok" huge lie "where's the closest restroom?" All I regestered was the direction he pointed in. I had to hustle.
Walkin (tripin) the mile! walkin the mile! walkin the mile! walkin themile! walkin the mile! walkin the mile! walkin the mile!
Then my knees began to lock up on me, first the left. Im sure it looked funny, some guy swinging wildly at himself in the middle of the foyer, then the right, i couldn't move.
Then my wife caught up. Doing all she could to help me stay off the earth and moving forward.
And now I'm sure I could taste the pee I had to go so bad.
We had gone in the general direction of where the guy had pointed in.
Walkin the mile! walkin the mile! Walkin the GReeen mile!
"Fuck! where's the fuckin bathroom!!?" Now feeling that burn when one really has to drain it.
We were both looking all over, Teri spoted it, we had about a hundred more feet, I tryde to speed up my pace but all that did was cause my legs to really lock up.
Stagerin the mile! Falling the mile! Teri caught me the mile!
The burn was becoming more and more intence, we looked to be couldn't have been thirty feet from the banyo. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck i gotta go!" "Almost there babe!" Then I looked down at my feet and caught sight of the big wet spot that trailed down my left leg. "Oh my god we gotta get to that damn bathroom! I'm pissing my fucking pants!!" "K here it is, you need help inside?" "Somehow I dont think the fellas in there are ready for you.." "Are you gonna make it?" "Gonna have to.."
Through the door there were a few fellas shaken dew. Trying to just be normal when one is hugging the walls and stalls like a blind man who's pissed his pants...well let's just say musta been the day's entertainment.
Doing everything I could to keep the tears that formed in my eye's from falling was imposible, still I acted if it was buisness as usual trill I made it to a stall and latched the door locked. Muffeld like, the waterworks really went nut's.
For a breiff moment my mind turnd off "The green mile" reel and shifted to the more depressing "Monsters ball". I could not keep Billy Bob from preachin how "You just fucked up that mans last walk!!" I began to shrink with self shame.
"Babe? are you ok?" my wife had cracked the banyo door. Trying to keep it together, "Yeah I'm alright...my pants on the other hand are not. Can you go ask the infusion center if they have some blue smock pants I could use, I cant go anywhere all yella! It's that or I'll have to rescedual!" "Ok, I'll go ask. You'll be alright yes?" "Yeah, I'm sure as hell not going anywhere! I'll be good!" "K, I'll be back."
That little bit of chit chat pulled me away from Billy Bob and back to The mile.
It's so underestemated how "twisted" my mind is. It's like I was born to humor tragedy.
Walkn the mile! walkn the mile! walkn the mile!
I'm goin to the toilet! I'm sitn! and prayn!
Lord as my sheperd and so forth and so on!
Sorry for all the bad shit I done and all the people I've tramped on and I hope they forgive me!
And I'll never do it again! that's for sure.
Five or so minutes went by and then "Babe?" The wife had made it back with some pants the coast being clear she came into the banyo. The pants were blue...but they were"Paper? what in the hell!?" "Thats all they would give me!" Not much I could ssay to that except "Fuck!! what if they tear or I piss myself agian!? Did you tell them why I'm late and my small problem?" After a quick exchange of words it was decided that the "walk" was no longer "dignifyed" I was gonna have to arive to my IV chair "rolling"
The plan was I was supposed to change into the paper blues while she ran for a wheelchair I should have used in the first place.. "K, I'll be right back" I could here the banyo fall silent with the close of the hydrolic door. It feel totally quiet.
Still prayin! still prayin! still prayin!
Gettin right with Geez-ZUS!!
Well then do it quietly! Ya bastard!
My frusteration was so throagh.
I suppose the fact that I had devaloped what my wife refured to as "claw hands" din't make me any more gleeful. It deffinately pissed me off all the more. Considering I had to untie my boots, unbutton my fly, take off the piss soaked, double thik canvased Arborwears, bvd's and socks with literal booger hooks for hands and fingers. add in the fact I could hardly balance myself on the throne, I think a mushroom cloud would have gone off in anyone's head.
When she returned with the chair,she came back into the men's room without warning a few fella's scatering and a couple of the brave and unshaken finished in there own time.
One thing about the wife. She can be the Bull in the fine china shop at some of the "best" time's, all I could do is laugh, her along with me.
After she got me off my seat she had to put on my paper pants and tie (break) the paper draw string. "Oop's!""What the fuck am I supposed to do now?!?'
"Just hold em up till we get you in the wheelchair." Somehow my amazon wife...WILL'd us out the banyo and me into the chair and off we went
Rollin the mile! rollin the mile! rollin the mile!
When you enter the chamber (infusion center the first thing one will notice is all the lazy boy's. Depending on what time it is, some already may be occupied.
So this is where the mile end's? Holyshit! You could execute like a bakers dozen in here! Shit! The point (state prison) aint got shit on these guy's!!
We took the recliner closest to the banyo,that's when the executioner (Betty White) met me at the station.
Roll on 1!!
Once Betty confirmed she does infact have the right individule seated is when she passed us the book on the poison to be delivered and give's me some of the hospital's fourty dollar Benadryl and some Tylenol incase of a "reaction" tothe seven thousand dollar a bag of Tysabri.
Roll on 2!!
Then the Pharmacy deliver's the bag of solution.
Betty then disapeared briefly and returned with a clean "rig" to tap my vein with. I always think of Vincent Vega anytime a needle gets stuck in my pipe's. Always wonder if I'm gonna bust that closet junkie accedently draw and see my blood cycle with the drug in the syringe and slowly reinject the mixture back into me. The ritchuel" Haven't yet but I just know one day I'm gonna be able to say "BUSTED!!"
It was in the infuszion centre they got me strug out and addicted to the feel and taste of saileen solution they "clean the IV line with.
Betty got me all hooked up and dripin, for the next five or six hours.
drip.....drip.....drip.....
